Ever wondered what an abuser says to their victim to get them to acquiesce? Here are some common statements from abusers. Some of these may even seem reasonable or acceptable in certain situations, but they are not. Abusive behavior is pervasive and without awareness, it will continue.
Emotional/Mental Abuse
- A good husband (or wife) would do this for me.
- This (abuse) is for your own good.
- I will hurt myself if you leave me.
- You have a bad memory; I know what really happened.
- Your family or friends can’t be trusted, you can only trust me.
- No one will ever love you like I do.
- You’re confused, I know what is right.
- If you don’t do this, I’ll leave (divorce) you.
Economic Abuse
- It’s not stealing when it’s family.
- I’m in control of you even at work.
- You can’t manage money so I have to keep you out of the accounts.
- You don’t deserve the things I give you.
Physical Abuse
- I only hurt you because you hurt me first.
- I’m stronger/more powerful/smarter than you.
- I have to hit you to get your attention.
- You make me feel so angry.
Spiritual Abuse
- The Bible says you have to have sex with me, so do it.
- You have to submit to me, God said so.
- I am an example for the whole church so you have to behave perfectly.
- No one could forgive you for what you have done.
Sexual Abuse
- I have to have sex and it’s your duty to give it to me.
- When you do …, then I’ll have sex with you.
- If you don’t have sex with me, then I’ll have to have it with someone else.
- Just do this one (sexually degrading) thing one time and then I’ll be satisfied.
- This is our little secret, no one needs to know.